As I sit here in my office I tell myself  I AM BLESSED. I say it over and over again to remind myself that as things fall apart, I AM BLESSED.  Being dependent on others to meet basic needs is a challenge at times but I AM BLESSED. People get sick and back up plans don't always work out but I AM BLESSED. It is a struggle to stay positive and not allow myself the pity part I soooo wanna throw. I AM BLESSED.

I AM BLESSED As on Tuesday afternoon Brooke messaged to say she was sick and unable to work that evening. I AM BLESSED that after messaging three people Courtney responded she was available. She not only agreed to provide my evening care but also allowed me to keep my dinner plans with friends and pick up some things from Walmart as I had planned. I AM BLESSED. Courtney had already worked an 8 hour job that day. I might also mention she had several teeth pulled the day before and could only eat soup for dinner. She was pleasant and provided excellent care. I AM BLESSED

Thursday evening  Keely messaged. She was sick and would be unable to work the next morning. Soo, I once again begin calling/messaging to find someone to fill in. After calling/messaging several people, I found someone. I AM BLESSED. Amber came at 7am after working a 12 hour shift at her nursing home job. I AM BLESSED. No shower, but I was up,dressed,and didn't miss work. I AM BLESSED.

Friday afternoon Brooke comes to work I AM BLESSED. No word from Keely to confirm she's well enough to work her weekend schedule sooo Amber agrees to come in Saturday morning at 7am after her 12 hour shift at the nursing home. I AM BLESSED. Keely messages later confirming she'll resume her caregiving duties Saturday evening. I AM BLESSED  Day 2  without a shower but I'm up,dressed and working. I AM BLESSED Keely messages Saturday morning, she's throwing up sooo I message Brooke. She confirms she'll come in Saturday evening. I AM BLESSED. I work all day and in between calls I try to find help for Sunday morning/evining and Monday morning. I got a shower before bed I AM BLESSED. Megan confirms she could really use the money and will work Sunday morning/evening and Monday morning. I AM BLESSED Soooo Sunday morning 9am....9:15am.....9:30am.....9:45am and I start calling for backup for the backup. I call about 4-5 people and and someone comes. I AM BLESSED No shower, missed church, but I did work. In between calls, I managed to secure Kelsey to come Sunday night and Monday morning as she was off from her full time job at the hospital. I AM BLESSED. Kelsey came as planned. I AM BLESSED. Brooke should be here at 5pm as she is scheduled. I AM BLESSED. I'm hoping Keely is feeling better and able to work her morning shifts for the rest of the week.

Trying to find fill in caregivers steals my time,money, emotional/physical  well being. It is a challenge not allowing the circumstances to steal my JOY. Finding fill ins is a necessity as I rely on others for getting up, personal care, food, laying down for bed at night so I'm grateful for anyone who comes to my rescue. My basic needs obviously come first so when a regularly scheduled person is absent that usually means deviating/cancelling any plans/commitments but I AM BLESSED.